What is TRUST ?
In English dictionary, it has a very plain and simple meaning but when we try to relate it to reality, it's broad and hard to get back once broken. Various of trust definitions are being defined everywhere, different stories which moved us emotionally by reading it one by one, feeling the words that seemed to crashed us into pieces. . .I think all of us experienced of having trust issues and what hurts the most, is when your trust is screwed up by someone who means a lot to you!
My friend favored me to write about TRUST ISSUES. I was struck. She started to tell stories about trust desolation and listened to every words she said and how she was completely hurt in the past. My thoughts began to think over it and how to answer all her puzzled mind.
TRUST ISSUES towards FRIENDS or PEOPLE AROUND US.
A very prevalent known matter to talk about. We say that having friends make you feel content and happy. Somewhat true and somewhat a false. I can say that only 30% of my friends are NOT SHAM. I was lucky but to some and most of them are wicked behind at my back. Of course, not mentioning their names, I met friends who were good in telling flattery words personally but when I turned back, gossips started to transpire and arise. I once had a friend long time ago. We had the same interests, the same preferences, the same taste of music, the same favorites (mostly) and in some instance, we had the same perspective but in some qualities, we differ. I am sensitive, but she's tactless. All the time. It was hard to weigh things for us but I did my best to understand her. That one moment came, and one common friend of ours came up to me and talked to me heartily. That's when I knew everything my friend has been doing. She kept on spreading unpleasant words about me to other people when I am not around. It was a curse to me because it never crossed my mind to do the same thing as her. I want to do vengeance but my heart stopped me of doing it. I can't do it to her. She was my close buddy and it hurt me like a hell that she did annoying things that broke my trust to her. I let it pass but fate seemed to let me know her more and more everyday. And then one moment came when she did it infront of me, that time when I was so kind and all she could do was to demand things impolitely. She seemed to talk things like saying, "I REALLY HAD A GOOD TASTE IN FASHION, TERINA." , and had that sarcastic expressions on her face when we were together. She had proved many times that she seemed to hate me but I just ignore her and when my patience blew off. I let go. I decided to let go when I realize that I was to blind to hold on to a friend that kept on taking advantage of my kindness. She kept on embarrassing me to other people and laughed the way I dressed up, the way I put powder on my face, the way I sing, she even grabbed the mic when I started to sing. I accepted her flaws but too much is too much for me. I am just a human. So, when she did things like talking shit at my back, my trust on her disappeared.
How would I feel? It really damn hurt. I just lose my senses. What would be my reaction? How do I confront the person who's talking silly things on my back? Difficult to deal with but I certainly had to face that circumstances.
In the first phase of being betrayed and being denounced, everything seemed to be iffy and hazy. Questions happened to fill up your senses and it's like eating you into pieces. Slowly killing you inside and even let you shed your tears especially when the situation led to a pathetic outcome. How to overcome this? What to do now? . . .
1. Learn to believe that it happened. Acceptance is one aspect to overcome trust issues. You must accept the fact that someone intentionally vanquished your trust. It will help you prevail such pain in your heart. Cry for it if you have to and feel the pain that you were feeling.
2. Learn not to TRUST fully to somebody. It's such a strong approach to avoid getting hurt by trusting someone but it's an effective way though. Make sure not to give your whole trust to someone not to avoid it but you learned already. You realized your lessons before and you don't want that happen again right? So, be careful next time.
3. Learn to FORGIVE and FORGET. Easy to say but hard to do because memories last. I tried it too. It was so unmanageable to do and took a long time to recover but I must, you must and we must. Take time to reflect alone and give time to yourself to understand everything. Don't let the pain suffer you too long because time heals the pain that you feel. Have limits too because you don't live in the past but you live now. Focus what is now and you can easily do that by FORGIVING.
TRUST ISSUES towards LOVE.
Is it easy to give trust to the one you love? Maybe Yes. Maybe No. Based to what I encounter before, having relationship with someone gave me thrills and excitements. I don't find it a bad thing to do an extra effort to someone I love but the moment when my ex's did intentionally broke my trust, I then had trauma give trust to a new relationship. It was really terrible to make new relationships to me that's why I ended up having an aching heart. I remembered when I had a distressing relationship before. I dedicated my whole love to that person, sacrificed many things just to see him happy until the time comes that he made love with another woman who was even a common friend of ours! The heck! I was betrayed and he even decided to dump me after everything. I was in great pain and I hid myself in darkness for a long time because I couldn't recover. How can I move on? How can I face the world again? How can I make myself strong? How can I make revenge? How can I have true happiness again? How? How... How???... I asked myself a lot of times.. I even blamed myself of having unlucky relationships and being dumped. What was the problem? . . .
Being in love and being in a relationship with someone involve TRUST. It builds the foundation and it will make the relationship stronger but when one party committed a great fault which affect trust; it will really ruin everything and will stumble into great despair. It isn't easy to overcome those trust issues but we have to face the reality that we have to take it and get done with it, but how? . . .
1. Live in the pain at the moment. Be in grieve, woe, mourning when you are in pain because someone made you cry. Cry hard for it. Don't regret doing it because in the end, you'll see unending happiness and it's worth it.
2. Never hate the person who hurt you and broke you deeply. Look at his/ her picture and take time to talk to that picture as if you are talking to the person personally. Let all your heartaches out and you can even tear the picture into pieces if you want to ( I did that and it's really a great feeling! I swear!) . . . It will definitely make you feel relief from the pain that you are feeling.
3. Never give full trust again. The next time you set your heart to someone, don't give full trust. It's okay to let the person know that you trust him/ her but at least leave some more trust on yourself so that the pain you had will never come back again.
4. Realize that pain is inevitable. Again and again, I always state in my write ups that pain is always present from every people we met. It will hurt us all over again and again but remember, it's how you cope up with it, that will make you become wiser; so make sure you are OVERDOMINANT than the PAIN. OKAY? !
TRUST is a treasured gem to all of us.
When we give it to someone, we entitled the person to take care of it but we can't refrain from knowing that in the end PEOPLE WILL BREAK US APART. So, it's better to wake up in reality knowing that it is happening and it will be happening every now and then. Open your eyes and mind to what it will be and what it's going to be.
Trusting someone is a decision to make and take.
Decide wisely who to trust and when to trust.
If you are dragged down from your past, remember that you don't live there anymore.
You are here at the moment. Move on and tell yourself that it's time to look forward for a better days to come.
You deserve good people and good companions to lift you up. God wants you to create a wonderful bond with the people around you but also know your limitations.
Once is enough for us to grow and become mature from our various flaws and shortcomings.
We don't live to live up those high expectations but we live to inspire people.
If you did your best entirely to prove that you can be trusted, that's enough for people to realize that, don't push yourself too hard too; as long don't let people take advantage of you again and again.
Take care of yourself and live well.
Don't let people ruin your life and your being.
Trust people who knows you well and will give you motivation to your future.
People intend to hurt us and there's a reason behind it.
So, appreciate all the heartaches and trust issues you had.
Don't live in bitterness but make yourself a better one to people who need you.
So, trust wisely. ♥
